Ancient curse, may you sit on a cushioned chair on the deck without checking first to see if it has dried from last night’s rain.
Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.
The cat acts like I’m interfering as she plays with a toy but that’s my phone charger!
Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.
Three boxes of the same cereal in the pantry are a sign I should consider using a shopping list at the supermarket rather than just winging it.
Rome wasn’t built in a day but it couldn’t have taken as long as the too slow car wash.
Why call it a couple getting into a dispute into a hardware store rather than “We’ve turned this Home Depot into a House Depot.”
The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.
Who called it a French guy that has a cat rather than Jean clawed?
They say that exercise may help you live longer. Guess the grim reaper doesn’t want to make that much of an effort to catch up with you when you’re walking.
Fed the cat dog food and suddenly she’s barking at the mail man.
The purpose of hangers is to put a zig zag wrinkle in your pants at the knees.
If your store sells carpet and tile and you’re not advertising a July Floor-th sale then what are you even doing?
While removing a cat hair from my phone screen I accidentally closed three windows, downloaded two apps, made an unwanted Amazon purchase, and texted my boss a Chuck Norris meme.
Low fat tortilla chips and lite salsa?
That’s not what was meant by the words “skinny dipping.”