Congratulations to all the people currently in a coma, well played.
My favorite thing to do at a rock and roll concert is to yell “kiss, kiss, kiss” every time the guitarists stand close together and face each other to riff
Why don’t men ever think to do helpful catcalls like “YO SEXY THE SIDEWALK IS CLOSED AT THE END OF THIS BLOCK – CONSIDER REROUTING, MAMI!”
[trying to make friends as an adult]
May I interest you in tolerating me for a moment
People think I’m a good listener but I’m really just solid at nodding
My rap name is When i$ Lunch
“I’m liking where this is going” I said, pointing to a potato chip making its way toward my face.
More “kills” on Tinder than any man in the history of online dating, Bradley Cooper is…. American Swiper.
They should just report when there WASN’T a shooting in Florida at this point
People need to stop posting denigrating photo memes of animals; they have dignity and deserve respect. Oh that’s Rick Santorum? Ok carry on.