@MariyaAlexander

No handshakes?! Then how am I supposed to know when the mating ritual is over?

@MariyaAlexander

My life coach refuses to tell me which motivational quote will protect me from corona virus 😡

@MariyaAlexander

[PMSing normally]
Ugh I want to die

[PMSing during a pandemic]
Ugh I want to die BUT NOT LIKE THIS

@MariyaAlexander

My favorite thing to do at a rock and roll concert is to yell “kiss, kiss, kiss” every time the guitarists stand close together and face each other to riff

@MariyaAlexander

Why don’t men ever think to do helpful catcalls like “YO SEXY THE SIDEWALK IS CLOSED AT THE END OF THIS BLOCK – CONSIDER REROUTING, MAMI!”

@MariyaAlexander

[trying to make friends as an adult]
May I interest you in tolerating me for a moment

@MariyaAlexander

“I’m liking where this is going” I said, pointing to a potato chip making its way toward my face.