No handshakes?! Then how am I supposed to know when the mating ritual is over?
My life coach refuses to tell me which motivational quote will protect me from corona virus 😡
Ugh I want to die
[PMSing during a pandemic]
Ugh I want to die BUT NOT LIKE THIS
Congratulations to all the people currently in a coma, well played.
My favorite thing to do at a rock and roll concert is to yell “kiss, kiss, kiss” every time the guitarists stand close together and face each other to riff
Why don’t men ever think to do helpful catcalls like “YO SEXY THE SIDEWALK IS CLOSED AT THE END OF THIS BLOCK – CONSIDER REROUTING, MAMI!”
[trying to make friends as an adult]
May I interest you in tolerating me for a moment
People think I’m a good listener but I’m really just solid at nodding
My rap name is When i$ Lunch
“I’m liking where this is going” I said, pointing to a potato chip making its way toward my face.