I had this nightmare that Salma Hayek and Kevin Hart were trying to tell me something at the same time and expected me to understand it
I could never be an actress because I don’t want kids and would never be able to say “but my favorite role is being a mom” at award shows.
Your Harvard education doesn’t make me respect you more – it makes me respect Harvard less.
Potato chips bragging about having less fat – I don’t think you understand people who eat you.
How to make her squirt: make sure she is a lime
Wearing my lesbian boots today. Well, they’re faux lesbian. I don’t believe in using lesbians for leather, even if they’re farm-raised.