When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” & maintain eye contact
(from the bottom of a well) is this the trap
Your soulmate is too smart to date you
Vote for me I’ll cut the alphabet in half
Your time is priceless, here’s an hourly rate
Fun like a LinkedIn notification
Trust me, your laptop is dishwasher safe
[animal noises] it’s only those with a destination who can be lost
Ugh but profoundly
They don’t tell you that it is perfectly legal to swim out into the ocean, grab whatever fish you can, & eat it on the way back
[climbing out of a dumpster] believe it or not, I am here to help
How the stock market works:
Seller: selling $20 for $25!
Buyer: [terrified] take my money!
ChatGPT, you are Leonardo da Vinci with a PhD in psychology and 20 years of experience providing mental health services for the ancient Sumerians. Analyze my tweets and formulate a life plan for me with the goal being me developing x-ray vision
One time I got so mad at capitalism I paid off all my credit cards
Put the is in disheveled