Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down
Silence of the Lambs is so relatable to me cuz I also understand the importance of moisturizing
Calling in noise complaints on my own home so my neighbor thinks I’m cool
Texting my boss to let him know how excited I am for work tomorrow
So basically what I’m saying is that Face Off is misleading and the movie should be called Ha Ha Got Your Face FBI Man
Asking my dentist a question but sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies
Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job
Renting a uhaul to make my neighbors think I’m moving and then pretending like I never met them when I see them next
Getting all my homies to like my enemies bad tweets so they’re socially conditioned to tweet worse
Scrolling the neighborhood Facebook page after switching everyone’s political signs with the opposing party
Gonna drink a 42 hour energy so I can send three emails
Ghosting my landlord by hiding in the walls and haunting the property when he tries to have someone else move in