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Page of MaryJustice86's best tweets

@MaryJustice86 : To celebrate Halloween I made my scary movie hating husband watch, “Paranormal Activity” with me, waited till he fell asleep and ran through the house with powder in my socks leaving strange otherworldly footprints for him to find. The exorcism is being scheduled as we speak.

@MaryJustice86: Me: *Getting dressed*
Husband: *throws pants on floor beside hamper* “Where are you going?”
Me: “Jail.”

@MaryJustice86: Parenthood is just chauffeuring a bunch of people you don’t want to chauffeur, to places you don’t want to go, at times you don’t even want to be awake, to do things you don’t want to do, for prices you damn sure can’t afford.

@MaryJustice86: My husband made me a really romantic dinner once. When I finished cleaning the kitchen a week later, I warned him never to do anything like that to me ever again.

@MaryJustice86: Weird how my husband is so adamant about not having more animals for someone who’s going to own more animals.

@MaryJustice86: Weird how my husband can sleep through the baby crying but he jumps straight up with one unsnap of my bra hook.

@MaryJustice86: It’s not rude to hand visitors a timer when they show up, right??

@MaryJustice86: I spent my time preparing a home cooked dinner and placed it in front of the kids who asked for something different, and laughed. Then I laughed. Then we laughed. Then I spoke in a voice not of this world & everyone ate their damn dinner.