Wish we had the power of at least one ‘do over’ in our lives. I used mine up in the 1st grade and winning at hopscotch wasn’t worth it.
Woke at 2 AM to a strange male voice telling me to accept god. Storm knocked out power at 7 and I forgot to turn off TV – thought I’d died.
There are no atheists in the passenger seat when I drive.
Daughter saw old clothes I’ve saved for sentimental value & said ‘I bet you cried when the last dinosaur died too’. She’s out of the will.
Treat your relationships as you would your teeth, daily attention and they could last a lifetime, too bad the same can’t be said for hair.
You know you’re getting old when the kids start referring to your savings as their inheritance.
I have days when wearing a hat is the only use I have made of my head.
Friend said I was becoming antisocial. Ridiculous. You build one little moat and people jump to hasty conclusions.
On a scale of 1 – 10 where 10 is being up on technology and 1 is washing clothes by beating them on a rock, I’m about a 5.
If ex asks you to go bungee jumping remember, cord goes around feet not neck, no matter what they tell you.
The only way I’d get within six feet of some people is if I’m standing on their grave.
Neighbor asked me over for coffee and said ‘make yourself comfortable’, so I did, I went home.
You can’t go by good looks as not everything is as it seems. Remember The Trojan Horse, Snow White’s apple and your ex.
The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
I’ve always admired a man in a uniform who is soft, sweet and tender. I guess my perfect match is the Stay Puft Marshmellow man.