Everyone’s a gangster until you have to chase a plastic bag that the wind took.
Nothing like 2 big dogs chasing your dog to get in some extra cardio
Cashier: How are you today?
Me: You too.
🤦🏻♂️
This whiskey tastes like my neighbours will be listening to Metallica.
I don’t need a security alarm because I leave all my shoes in a pile inside the front door.
If you ever lose your dog just open up a bag of chips.