Not everyone thinks of Cleopatra as beautiful.
That’s just how Julius Caesar.
I found stir fry all over my bed this morning.
I must’ve been sleep wokking again.
David Hasselhoff has changed his name to David Hoff.
It’s less hassel that way.
I went to the candle store today.
They were having a blowout sale.
Every morning when I leave the house, I’m run over by the same kid on a bike.
It’s a vicious cycle.
You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like you’re on wheel of fortune.
I walked into a bakery and asked the lady at the register if I could buy a bagel with cream cheese.
“Sorry,” she said. “We only accept cash.”