Billy Joel seems remarkably unfazed by the old man sitting next to him making love to his tonic and gin.
In the event of a robot invasion, show them a photo and ask them to point out the street signs. It fries their circuits and they explode.
“Michael just bought a popcorn popper. You know what he probably wants to buy next? *Another* popcorn popper.”
-Amazon suggestions logic
How many times does it have to be aliens before Scully believes? How many times does it have to be a guy in a mask before Shaggy doesn’t?
It turns out that the Circle of Life doesn’t mean a donut, I’m so confused.
I wish I had the confidence of the people strategizing their lottery numbers for five minutes in front of me in line at the gas station.
A couple of weeks ago I replaced my work computer with an aquarium. If anyone asks, I say it’s my screensaver.
I didn’t realize that “sow your wild oats” is a metaphor, so I pretty much spent my early twenties farming.
Apparently those velvet ropes next to bouncers are not an invitation to limbo.
How much mint do I have to muddle into this mojito for it to count as a serving of vegetables?