Missed the ice cream truck today because I was too proud to run. And for what. What honor did that bring me
If food delivery apps had never been invented I would either be wildly rich or dead
There is a mosquito that has been trailing me for two days. I’ve swatted and clapped but it has proven to be the stronger of us both. It’s time to give in to my place on the food chain
NOO THERES A MOSQUITO IN MY ROOM AND IT WANTS ME. BAD
I need to stop asking ppl who wants to do an activity with me on my close friends story because 12 people said they wanted to go to this museum and now I have to make 11 people mad
Just found out monkey pox is sexually transmitted .. just another win for me
Just unlocked a memory of when I was in college and I was in Cabo with a guy I was seeing & he made me FaceTime my surgeon brother about the fact that his feet were swollen & my brother talked him through it then texted me after “do NOT give me a useless brother in law”
And now a moment of silence for all the things I could’ve accomplished in 2019 if I had a brain that worked
Ladies, have you ever slept with a man because he has a big fish that he caught in his profile picture?
Imagine getting married and you write your own vows and it’s beautiful and everyone is sobbing and after the wedding your husband hands you the vows he wrote down in a sweet glass case to keep forever and you read them and the first line reads “your my soulmate”
Sure you can call me lazy but do you know how many days I HAVE gotten out of bed? Thousands
I realize I’m struggling with this phase of my life but in my defense I wasn’t planning on living this long