Sometimes I see an account celebrating big milestone after only 6 months on Twitter then I notice all their tweets are stolen and I get pissed that none of them are mine. Rude.
Some of you make me glad your pics aren’t scratch and sniff.
Looking for a man who wants to wear matching Cheetos pants with me. No weirdos.
Relationship status: the extended car warranty guy told me to stop calling him.
I love you and all but I’d push you into oncoming traffic for a large pizza and a Twix.
My boss says I have to wear pants to work even if it is my birthday. Rude.
Please stop asking me what my tweets mean. I can’t read.
Him: What dat mouf do?
Me: Talk a lot of shit and eat fried chicken.
If I get suspended again, I’m just making a LinkedIn account.