someone on TikTok accused me of stealing a stand up joke and when I asked them from who? they sent me a clip of someone doing the joke and that someone was me.
I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanisms” and it’s like ok not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny
You want me to work for exposure? the thing that killed Marie Curie?
Dane Cook: I’m dating a 23 year old
Leonardo DiCaprio: hold my beer
Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriend: I can’t
Daylight saving? I’m ready for daylight spending
Wordle is trying to tell me something
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Ted Talks how about Ted shut up for once
“Misinformation” oh you mean lies, just say that
I used to teach a workshop at a prison and one time I took a Lyft to get there and the driver won’t stop talking to me about the stock market.
Then he asked “so what are you up to today?” And I said “nothing much. Just turning myself in” and the way this man went silent. 10/10
How about daylight saves us for once
My younger brother has a PhD in material engineering, and I do stand up comedy which to be fair is also material engineering
You want me to work for exposure? The thing that killed Marie Curie?
You want me to work for exposure? The thing that killed everyone in Chernobyl?