Me to the ice maker: Can I please just have a few cub-
Ice dispenser: YOU MUST SACRIFICE 20 CUBES TO THE FLOOR GOD!!!
Me: *looks at tupperware cabinet*
Tupperware cabinet: CRASH! BANG! CLANK!
I love you, but you’re not stepping foot into my home with even a speck of glitter.
Everyone: Sleep when your baby sleeps.
My brain: Oh man she’s so cute. Just stare at her for two hours straight until she wakes up again.
But that’s my emotional support bin of clothes that are too small for me now.
This one’s “Alex”.
Me: Are you going to travel by ship to the new world?
Husband: Huh?
Me: Are you going to the witch stoning?
Husband: What?
Me: Are you going to grab your musket and join the minute men?
Husband:
OoOcH sTePpInG oN LeGoS iS tHe WoRsT!
-person who has crawled and taken a Lego to the knee
Me. I’m the person.
Whatever you say to someone, do it while slowly landscaping a tiny zen garden to really bring it home.
Gym memberships are for people who don’t have toddler toys all over the house to pick up.