Having lunch at eleven in the morning because I don’t want anything to interfere with my afternoon nap.
Pro-Tip: If you’re going to use chlorophorm on someone make sure you don’t inhale it yourself.
Never leave for tomorrow what you can eat today.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but sometimes you really need beer googles.
What I’ve learned in life is that there is a time and a place to be funny, what I haven’t learned is to distinguish those times.
I’m a social vegan, I don’t like meet.
My favorite type of women put their jeans on in this way; left leg, right leg, wiggle wiggle jump jump.
I hop around on one foot a lot because the other foot is usually in my mouth.