Shout out to the top 5 cakes in the world, crab, pan, pound, urinal and let them eat.
I’m just sayin’, corn dogs are gonna have to pick a side when the shit goes down between corn and dogs.
Shout out to the top 5 phones, mega, micro, smart, speaker and get off the damn.
Why do football players only dance when good shit happens? Just once I wanna see a QB throw an interception & do a sad, interpretive dance.
I run a gambling ring where we throw humidifiers and dehumidifiers into a pit and let ’em fight that shit out.
Just hired a dirtying lady. About to watch her and my cleaning lady fight it out.
Shout out to all the animals that help Disney princesses get shit done.
Every time you think Florida can’t top itself. BAM!
Shout out to political bumper stickers, changing nobody’s mind and lowering the value of your car and whatnot.
Good thing they had us dissect frogs in high school that prepared us for all the times in real life we’ve had to dissect frogs.
Why do they only put expiration DATES on food? It’d be fun as hell if they gave us the exact time too. “We got 8 minutes to eat this ham!!!”
If a gang attacks U say you’re on their side & U brought them “gang supplies”. They’ll let you go to the car to get the supplies. Drive away
Y’all are gonna be sorry when I figure out how to breed spiders and bees and my army of “spees” is stingin’ and bitin’ you and shit
I just love that new Pope smell.
Where in the hell are Dora the Explorer’s parents? Do they know she’s riding a damn crocodile into a volcano?