@MrGirlDad

Our house has two bathrooms, but there’s a spider in one, so our house has one bathroom.

@MrGirlDad

My 3-year-old just said she hates me, but to be fair I DID cut her sandwich incorrectly.

@MrGirlDad

I shaved my beard at my wife’s request and she is now coming to terms with having married a chubby nine-year-old.

@MrGirlDad

After only four hours of deliberation, our toddler has returned a verdict of “not sleepy”.

@MrGirlDad

I accidentally ran one of my daughter’s glitter pens through the laundry and now most of my work shirts are fabulously ruined.

@MrGirlDad

I am pleased to report that the spider I felt on my neck that caused me to nearly drop the baby was, in fact, my shirt tag.