@MrsMikePatton

God, grant me serenity to accept that people are ignorant, courage to uphold the law when I’m hostile & wisdom to realize murder is illegal.

@MrsMikePatton

New rule: You’re not allowed to be condescending unless you can spell it.

@MrsMikePatton

I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.

@MrsMikePatton

My boyfriend got pissed because I didn’t swallow. Is it my fault I have a nut allergy?

@MrsMikePatton

If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he become a werewolf permanently?

@MrsMikePatton

Maybe if we press “2” for Spanish, we’ll actually get someone that speaks English better then the person on the “1” line.