@MrsTomServo: Jimmy Fallon always looks like he's waiting for you to open a gift he's convinced you'll absolutely love.
@MrsTomServo: Monopoly banker (inspecting check): Um, I'm gonna have to call the manager.
Giant metal shoe: I've been doing business here FOR 20 YEARS.
@MrsTomServo: I like when a restaurant has cloth napkins, 'cause then I can unroll them with the calculated fervor of an assassin surveying his tools.
@MrsTomServo: Women want men they can fix; men want girls they can save; I want a sandwich that makes itself.
@MrsTomServo: *scampers over to ice cream truck*
Yes, I'll take the SpongeBob who looks like he just opened the Ark of the Covenant, please.
@MrsTomServo: Barbie didn't give me a poor body image; Barbie taught me you can't reattach a head once it's been removed from the body.
@MrsTomServo: Guy cut me off & I shouted, "you are unable to pleasure your wife. OR HUSBAND." Cause he needs to know I'm angry, yet progressive.