@MsSkarsgaard

I’m sure I don’t need to tell you the first rule of Patronising Club, because you’re so smart, sweetie. *boops your nose

@MsSkarsgaard

Them: How can you hate someone you’ve never met?

Me: Oh. I can read.

@MsSkarsgaard

Him: I’ll kill anyone that tries to come near you.

Me: Oh, that’s sweet babe but do you think you could you leave the Cinnabon samples guy alone?

@MsSkarsgaard

My kids fought over their school bags touching in the trunk if you needed a reason to pull out.

@MsSkarsgaard

Not to brag but at the last family reunion I didn’t talk to a single person.

No idea whose family it was. Lots of beer though.

Recommend.

@MsSkarsgaard

Friend: Omg you know when you get sober & get embarrassed?

Me: No.

@MsSkarsgaard

Lick it. LICK IT FASTER!

– parents who let their kids have ice cream cones in the car

@MsSkarsgaard

Someone just called me nice and I’ve never felt so misunderstood.

@MsSkarsgaard

Everything is so great right now, she exclaimed.
Morgan Freeman: It WAS great. And so it was now that the universe decided to intervene.

@MsSkarsgaard

I miss the things we shared together.
Not the chlamydia but the rest of the stuff was cool.