I’m sure I don’t need to tell you the first rule of Patronising Club, because you’re so smart, sweetie. *boops your nose
Them: How can you hate someone you’ve never met?
Me: Oh. I can read.
Him: I’ll kill anyone that tries to come near you.
Me: Oh, that’s sweet babe but do you think you could you leave the Cinnabon samples guy alone?
My kids fought over their school bags touching in the trunk if you needed a reason to pull out.
Not to brag but at the last family reunion I didn’t talk to a single person.
No idea whose family it was. Lots of beer though.
Friend: Omg you know when you get sober & get embarrassed?
Lick it. LICK IT FASTER!
– parents who let their kids have ice cream cones in the car
Someone just called me nice and I’ve never felt so misunderstood.
Everything is so great right now, she exclaimed.
Morgan Freeman: It WAS great. And so it was now that the universe decided to intervene.
I miss the things we shared together.
Not the chlamydia but the rest of the stuff was cool.