Lately I have the attention span of wait what
My kid put the toilet paper facing the wrong way so she’s homeless now.
It’s a sad day when you find out there’s a hot person behind a cartoon avi.
Funny you should ask, I do have extra body bags.
Of course people can change. I used to hate true crime but now I actively participate in giving shows content.
[latest bio rejection from christian mingle]
Interested in both term and whole life insurances.
I’m convinced a lot of people here are communicating from prison.
him: send me a video showing me what you want me to do to you
me:
You guys ever see the Malaysian Matrix
When I was younger, I thought a taxidermist was a dermatologist that arrived in taxis.
Someone rang my doorbell today and I’ve never Stopped, Dropped, and Rolled under my couch faster.
*gasps*
Ohhh sour Jesus.
I’ll interrupt important meetings with random dance-offs against the superintendent, just to remind him who really runs the prison.
*walks into business conference*
*everyone stares and gasps because I have a hotel coffee cup instead of Starbucks*
*one lady starts crying and gives me her cup*
You light one person on fire and all of a sudden the police drive by on the daily.