What I learned in college:
1. Water bottles are a great way to hide vodka.
2. When your thirsty in the morning you will regret #1.
I’m not saying delivering a baby is easy, but I’m pretty sure all I need is a box, some tape, and a stamp.
Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.
Yelling “shotgun” when getting in a car means a seat in the front. Yelling it before getting on a plane means a seat in the TSA office.
If it’s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?