I think that’s enough internet for one day…
Dentist: Did you deliberately loosen this tooth?
Me: Why would I do that?
D: ok…[extracts tooth & hands me a lolly]
Me: *winks at camera*
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
Mom: Sorry, I won’t be able to come in today. My son’s got stuck in the washing machine.
Boss: Aw okay. Poor thing, how old is he?
Mom: 27
Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I’m just gonna shake their soda
They said I couldn’t drink or operate machinery on my medication.
But here I am…Driving a forklift…Sipping a beer…Lifting up my boss’s car…
Gin & Tonic: 91 calories.
Banana: 105 calories.
Choosing the healthy option: Priceless.
It’s the embarrassment, not the blunt force trauma that kills you when you’re hit by a Smart car.