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@NervousJr : The same woman who said "I'm your mom not your friend" has sent me 17 Facebook friend requests.
@NervousJr: I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.
@NervousJr: How can you waste food when there are starving children in...ew onions.
@NervousJr: Told my mom "The D" stood for donuts, and now she won't stop telling people she wants the chocolate D.
@NervousJr: Friend: your not going to believe this but my whole family was killed in a freak accident!
@NervousJr: Does "who cares" count as advice?
@NervousJr: "Ugh, you're so obsessed with me."
Boss: "I just asked why you're twenty minutes late?"
@NervousJr: Oh you have a hard time gaining weight?
Here, hold this grenade.
@NervousJr: Boss: "late again I see"
Brain: think of a good excuse!
Mouth: "your moms late."
@NervousJr: Don't feel like going to the gym?
Go to all your ex's facebook pages and see who they're dating now.
Then go to the gym.