Funny Tweeter

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Page of NicCageMatch's best tweets

@NicCageMatch : Never let your printer know that something you’re trying to print is important. They can smell fear.

@NicCageMatch: Follow your dreams. Stalk them relentlessly. Hide behind plants & cars. Don't let them see you coming. When they least expect it, attack.

@NicCageMatch: No, please, let me give up my subway seat to your 6-year-old child who must be bone-tired from a life consisting mostly of playing & napping

@NicCageMatch: My dog is starting a food blog where she writes about the delicious flavors of the various paper napkins she finds and eats.

@NicCageMatch: The turkey is the luckiest one at the Thanksgiving table because it's already dead.

@NicCageMatch: I would have suggested they just use a regular volleyball, but I guess the Olympics are special.

@NicCageMatch: Contents of my wallet just spilled all over the cashier's counter, so embarrassing, spiders everywhere.

@NicCageMatch: The rats outside my apartment building are getting very bold. One of them just asked me for my number.

@NicCageMatch: Do people lifting with their knees and backs know about using their hands?

@NicCageMatch: Learn from your mistakes. Make better & better mistakes until you're making the best mistakes possible.