@NicestHippo

Mario is a game where you save a girl from the terrible fate of hanging with a dude who owns a castle

@NicestHippo

“So did you get lucky last night?”
You better believe it!
[flashback to me making all green lights omw home after girl refused to kiss me]

@NicestHippo

The inventor of the toilet must’ve had a rough time at his presentation. “Oh here comes Gary with his poop throne idea”

@NicestHippo

[Crate and Barrel job interview]
“So why do you want to work here?”
DONKEY KONG [sweating]: I love interior design

@NicestHippo

It’s disturbing that when we see a man’s mustache fall off we assume it’s an identity theft situation and not a medical emergency

@NicestHippo

Oscar nominations are out. Let’s experience actual emotion about multimillionaires giving each other gold

@NicestHippo

[museum tour in the future]
Racism and sexism ended in the 21st century, when brave Americans argued it out of existence online

@NicestHippo

[college ad]
High schoolers: You’ve sat in a chair for 4 years. How would you like to do that again, but this time at enormous cost to you?

@NicestHippo

Ever since childhood I’ve identified as a hippo. While other kids were playing, I savagely mauled villagers. #TransSpecies

@NicestHippo

Props to every deodorant commercial ever for abandoning all creativity and just going with “If you buy this, women will have sex with you”