I hate airplanes and flying. It’s like someone throwing a can full of people over the ocean and hoping someone in Europe will catch it.
I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, blocking the tv and getting him shot on Call of Duty.
There’s a butterfly in my office and a nerf gun in my purse. Susan, clear my schedule.
I’m gonna get a tattoo of me getting a tattoo of me getting a tattoo. Inkception.
My dream guy is hot, funny and smart. And he’ll ask me to marry him with a green lantern ring. And he has powers. And a castle. And Yoshi.
It’s okay when Pac Man runs all over the place eating pills and claiming ghosts are after him but when I do it I’m “crazy.”
So apparently not every chubby guy with a mustache is named Mario. My bad, dad.
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”
Not enough drugs in the world that would make me strip in front of a webcam. But a bottle of wine should do it.
We complain when it’s hot. We complain when it’s cold. We are such cunts. That’s why ET went home and never came back to visit.
We complain when it’s hot. We complain when it’s cold. We are such cunts. That’s why ET went home and never came back to visit.
We complain when it’s hot. We complain when it’s cold. We are such cunts. That’s why ET went home and never came back to visit.
If he says I love you and you’re not ready to say it back, just say “I know.” He’ll think you’re being cute and quoting Star Wars. Win-Win.
If he says I love you and you’re not ready to say it back, just say “I know.” He’ll think you’re being cute and quoting Star Wars. Win-Win.
I’m not hungover. I just like to wear my sunglasses when I open the fridge door. It makes me look cool.