She: I’ve been with my boyfriend for years and we’ve never kissed.
Me: Cos he’s been kissing someone else.
I’m not the kind of man who runs after women…….
But, I can walk.
Me: Sometimes I cannot think of anything to say.
She: And yet you don’t shut up.
Before joining Twitter I thought I was stupid. But now I’ve realised I’m not alone.
Think positive! The glass may be empty but the bar is still open.
There are few situations in life which have to be resolved with violence for example-
Mosquito on your ex’s cheek.
I wanted to lose some pounds…..
So I went to the casino.
Why did the baker stop making donuts?
Because he was bored with the hole business.
Shopkeeper:This is made of pure virgin wool sir.
Me:You see I m not interested in the morals of the sheep.Just tell me,will it keep me warm?
Me : I have changed my mind.
Wife : Hope the new one is working.
I firmly believe in homeopathy because they cure everything with alcohol.
If a girl has magnetic personality and still She can’t attract the desired boy.
Then that means the boy has iron deficiency.
Friend: So, you are distantly related to the family next door, are you?
Me: Yes, their dog is our dog’s brother.
Wife :’Darling, look. I haven’t worn this in 8 years and it still fits.’
Hubby : It’s a scarf!
‘If more than one mouse is mice,
then more than one Spouse is Spice.’