Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

In Mission Impossible 3, Ethan’s cover job is working for the Department of Transportation so that when he talks about how “traffic has a memory” people get bored and stop asking questions, but that wouldn’t work on me. I would ask him so many questions he would have to kill me.

It was my idea to make parking meters unreadable when the sun is out. I don’t get any money out of it, but I’m proud of my contribution.

I like how “two” is spelled a little strangely so you’re prepared early on for how insane “eight” is going to be.