I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather but mostly because of the running.
When I was a kid this either meant you better run for your life or it was spaghetti night.
You were the one.
I can’t stop watching this.
Them: are you busy right now
Me: (just laid down) yes
I didn’t think I had much in common with squirrels until I saw one risk his life for a crouton.
If a woman texts you three questions you should only answer one. They love that.
Hello bedtime my old friend,
My brain is laughing once again.
Alien: this planet sucks I don’t know how you do it
Me: *slowly opens pizza box*
Alien: dude
You’re telling me people get eight hours of sleep? Like in one night?
Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.
Me: I got a new blanket
My dogs:
Not to brag but I also decided not to run today.
It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.
The rule should be if you can smell the cookout you’re invited to the cookout.