@Not_From_Troy

Whenever I’m in doubt, I ask myself “What would Jesus do?” then I remember Jesus got crucified, his decision making skills weren’t brilliant

@Not_From_Troy

When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight…

to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.

@Not_From_Troy

I cry when I cut my carrots because I don’t want my onions to feel awkward.

@Not_From_Troy

My ambition is to be the last man on earth so that I can find out if all those girls were telling the truth.

@Not_From_Troy

I did a survey and asked 5 women what kind of clothing brand they preferred. The 5 responded: “How the hell did you get into my house?”

@Not_From_Troy

– Do you have photos of your girlfriend naked?

-No.

– Do you want some?