Whenever I’m in doubt, I ask myself “What would Jesus do?” then I remember Jesus got crucified, his decision making skills weren’t brilliant
When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight…
to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
I cry when I cut my carrots because I don’t want my onions to feel awkward.
I am having an out of money experience.
My ambition is to be the last man on earth so that I can find out if all those girls were telling the truth.
I did a survey and asked 5 women what kind of clothing brand they preferred. The 5 responded: “How the hell did you get into my house?”
What if we all do not exist and God is alone just imagining us?
– Do you have photos of your girlfriend naked?
– Do you want some?
My new diet consists in killing anyone who tells me I’m fat.
Doctor! Is it normal to have one leg longer than the other two?