Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of OBiiieeee's best tweets

@OBiiieeee : *my wife catches me in bed looking at an optical illusions book* HONEY, NO IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE

@OBiiieeee: cant sleep because i keep thinking about the time i went into my garage and saw a raccoon holding a pen correctly

@OBiiieeee: girls love us tall guys but as soon as we use our height to "constantly slam dunk on them and their loved ones" they stop replying to texts

@OBiiieeee: Cop: where ya headed?

"the gym"

Cop: im gonna save you a lot of embarrassment and arrest you

"thank you so much, officer"

@OBiiieeee: my last girlfriend broke up wth me after she went through my phone and i refused to tell her why i searched for goth grandpas

@OBiiieeee: a girl took a grilled cheese out of her purse and threw it across the street like a frisbee to me i never thought i'd be able to love again

@OBiiieeee: i thought i heard a dog approaching but it was just some hot girl's keys jingling. i fixed my hair for nothing

@OBiiieeee: my father died in a conga line and so shall i

@OBiiieeee: BOSS: why are you so late?

ME: i definitely wasnt up until 4am watching Hey Arnold ha-ha

BOSS: well i was and i got here on time

@OBiiieeee: [trying not to think about Sonic The Hedgehog during sex]

Her: faster! faster!

Me: oh god no