Me: So,… tell me a little bit about yourself
Date: I’m a small fruit that grows on a tree!
[Brings date back to my place]
Date: It’s kinda cold in here
Me: Why don’t you join me under this blanket?
Date: eh..I dunno
Me: *shaking mom awake* can you scooch over abit
Me: [On Mars] *opening a bag of chips*
My Dog: *blasts off from earth*
Watching my former girlfriend with binoculars is ex-sighting
Dave: My signature trick Is making anything disappear
Tom: [holding cup] make my tea disappear..
Dave: Ok.. [waves hand].. it is done!
om: [holding cup] But.. it didn’t work!
Me: *flirting* “So…, Where are you from?”
Me: “I also come from a woman”
[First day in bomb squad]
*Woman crying infront of blown up house*
ME : *putting an arm around her shoulders*
“I think this belonged to your husband”