@OfficialMizGin

Years ago I went to a job placement agency.

I left disappointed.

Apparently nobody offers temp work as an astronaut.

@OfficialMizGin

Take it easy, guy who posts 10,000 pics of his baby on Facebook.

We get it already.

You got laid once.

@OfficialMizGin

Cologne companies have no clue what really attracts women.

If they did, every bottle would smell like doughnuts.

@OfficialMizGin

Guy in the club: *lifts up his shirt* I do 400 crunches a day.

Me: How many more until you get a personality?

@OfficialMizGin

Want to know the real reason girls go to the bathroom together?

The air hockey table.

All our bathrooms have one.