Gonna teach a bunch of old white guys the word “bae” so teens stop thinking it’s cool and it goes away forever.
Some coworkers sign emails with “cheers” or “sincerely” followed by their names but I typically use “you’ve made a powerful enemy today.”
Pixar has made me feel affection towards rats, bugs, fish, robots, monsters and even cars. The real test would be a movie about coworkers.
A COWORKER BROUGHT HER INFANT INTO THE OFFICE LET’S ALL CROWD AROUND AND TERRIFY IT. -women
Now that Fox News is 18 can we send it to Iraq?
If you love something set it on fire. If it doesn’t die, you have a dragon.
Me: Can’t wait to sit on my front porch with my black cat and frighten children.
Coworker: I love Halloween.
Me: I meant after work today.
“Welcome to the jungle”
Thanks.
“We’ve got fun and games”
Cool.
“You’re in the jungle”
We’ve established this
“You’re gonna die!”
Wait what?
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.
“You know, the average woman does it at least 8 times a year in her sleep.” -Peter Parker attempting to convince Mary Jane to swallow
If Thor is a woman, what’s next? Woman doctors? Woman lawyers? Woman mothers? When will it end?
I get you, anti-evolution people. I’m too lazy to learn science too.
Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to stay in shape and you answer “revenge” it will raise a couple eyebrows.
My dad said he couldn’t get into Game of Thrones because he doesn’t like fantasy so I asked him when he was going to stop watching Fox News.
This “violence in the workplace” seminar is only teaching us what we shouldn’t do. No fighting techniques or anything.