Why did Kermit The Frogs name feel the need to clarify he was a frog?
People in glasshouses shouldn’t throw surprise parties.
PRIEST: What is your view on celibacy?
ME: I thought her vocal performance on Goldfinger was outstanding.
“I’m Bond. James Bond”.
Well, Mr Bond. Allow me to introduce myself.
I’m Evil. Ken Evil.
[speeds cycle up ramp]
[jumps 8 cars & a bus]
[visiting hours at prison]
BEAR WIFE: How are you coping?
BEAR: I miss the woods.
BW: The tranquility?
BEAR: No, I really need a shit.
My worst case scenarios:
•A case falling on me.
•Being hit with a case.
•Being locked inside a case.
•Carrying a case for a long distance.
POLICE OFFICER: Your name?
MAN: The Rock.
POLICE OFFICER: Your FULL name?
MAN: [quietly] Theodore Rockinghorse.
“There’s someone out there for everyone”.
A really vague Receptionist.
Who called it Star Trek III – The Search For Spock and not Finding Nemoy?
I was on a search party in the forest last night.
Bit of a boring party.
We found a dead guy though.
I like to imagine the person who originated Head & Shoulders shampoo had really, really hairy shoulders.
It still really upsets me that my dog stopped talking to me around the same time I gave up taking hallucinogenic drugs.
The letter n always has to be the centre of attention.
Appendi
Appendii
Appendiii
Appendiv
Appendv
Appendvi
Appendvii
Appendviii
Appendix
My Grandfathers dying words to me were, “Are you still holding the ladder?”.