@OrdinaryAlso

(Item doesn’t scan)

Me: Does that mean it’s free?

Cashier: You’re literally the 100th person to use that line today.

Me: Does being the 100th person to use that line today mean I get it for free?

@OrdinaryAlso

Pancake mix is too thick. Adds water. Pancake mix is too runny. Adds mix. Pancake mix is too thick. Adds water. Feeds family 120 pancakes.

@OrdinaryAlso

I wonder if serial killers ever leave their knives on the edge of the sink in case they may want to commit two murders.

@OrdinaryAlso

*drops ice cube*
*leaves it*
*steps on small puddle later while wearing socks*
I deserve this.

@OrdinaryAlso

Computer: Are you sure you want to trust this printer?
Printer: *shifty eyes*