My husband & I have a secret signal we use when it’s time to leave a party. I pull an air horn out of my purse and blast it.
Is your posture perfect? Consider a life of crime. No one suspects the upright citizen.
I am good with a paring knife. I like the weight of it in my hand. Sorry, go on, finish your story.
So, I bought the Cucumber Mint lip balm from Burt’s Bees. I kinda love it and hate it too. What? Oh, yeah I want to report a murder.
I watched someone eat an unpeeled cucumber like an apple today. No, no, it’s even weirder than you imagine.
Sincere, like a compliment from a car salesman.
Swarming gnats, but instead of annoying you, they provide compliments. “You look pretty.” “Dinner was delicious.” “Way to handle that difficult coworker, Chris. We hate her.”
I’ve got to go guys. Yesterday I bought a new shampoo that’s supposed to change my life.
Please do not return empty candy wrappers to the dish. It leads to false expectations and uncontrollable rage.