Drugs are bad…when they wear off.
The only standards I have in life are about the quality of alcohol I consume, and even that gets sketchy after about 5 drinks.
My wife is acting like giving me the silent treatment for four days is a bad thing.
I think it’s just about time to sit my 9yr old down and give her the “Your mom is a pyscho and you’re probably gonna end up one too” speech.
Some of you change your avi like I change my underwear. Every three days.
Weird, my coworker has bragged all day about his pending vacation and now his headlights have kicked themselves in.
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
I don’t make spelling and grammatical errors I invent new languages. You ignorant Count.
And I thought I had issues. – Me, 36 seconds after signing up on twitter.
My wife is a psycho, this tweet isn’t a joke its a cry for help.