Million Dollar Idea: Teach pugs to DJ, create a new genre of music…pugstep.
Guys, if a girl just wants to “be friends,” then borrow $100 from her and never pay her back. Like a “friend” would.
The cheese grader saw me walk in the house with a bag of shredded cheddar and shit got real awkward.
“Oh, hey! I didn’t even recognize you!” means “I saw you and tried to avoid you, but here you are.”
Don’t be that guy that tells people not to be “that guy.”
Dudes named Chance never had one.
You can pour up to 12 bowls of salad in your sweats before they kick you out of the Olive Garden.
So baby Jesus grows up to be Santa or…
Why do Mexicans eat tamales on Christmas?
Because they’re delicious, you racist asshole.
Want to get really stoned? Commit adultery in Iran.
Hey, which Instagram filter takes out all the insecurities?
Movie Idea:
Lohan.
Bynes.
Statham.
DEATH RACE 2