Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

Page of Peauxtassium's best tweets

@Peauxtassium : Ask yourself, “do I like finding socks in every room of the house?” and if the answer is yes, unprotected sex is right for you.

@Peauxtassium: My husband lost 10 lbs without trying. I’m waiting for him to apologize.

@Peauxtassium: You’re never too old to set goals. For example, today I’m not going to pee in my pants.

@Peauxtassium: Don’t count the days. Make the days count. Make the months do subtraction. Make the weeks recite the alphabet

@Peauxtassium: If you love her, shout it from the rooftops. Tell everyone around you. Tell the internet. Tell the cashier at cvs. Tell a hobo. Tell her husband. Whatever.

@Peauxtassium: It costs nothing to be kind. But then again, it costs nothing to be a sociopath. So you see my dilemma.

@Peauxtassium: Please sign my petition to get my husband off the couch

@Peauxtassium: Never judge a married man until you’ve walked on his eggshells.

@Peauxtassium: WHY WON'T THOSE FOOTBALL PLAYERS LISTEN TO THE EXCELLENT ADVICE MY HUSBAND IS SCREAMING AT THEM?

@Peauxtassium: Don’t go around saying you hate all people. Attractive people who have a lot of money are really lovable.