@PetrickSara: Other women: Nothing is sexier than a dad holding a baby.
Me: Nothing is sexier than my husband using his thundering dad-voice to frighten our children into behaving when I’ve abandoned all hope.
@PetrickSara: Did my child attempt to cross the Sahara desert, and collapse, unable to make it? Or did they struggle to throw a wrapper in the kitchen trash? It’s impossible to tell.
@PetrickSara: Parents that need to reheat coffee are adorable.
Hardened parents will chug it cold, or chew straight up coffee grounds; they’re desperate.
@PetrickSara: Me: Being a stay-at-home parent is so filling!
Her: You mean fulfilling, right
Me: (stuffing my face with goldfish crackers) No.
@PetrickSara: Sorry random child at the playground that my daughter just invited to her birthday party 4 months from now. It's never going to happen.
@PetrickSara: My children's inheritance is just 2,000 bottles of partially used nail polish.
@PetrickSara: There are 2 kinds of parents
“Stop climbing on the countertops! Get down! You’re going to fall and hurt yourself. DON’T JUMP!”
“Climb over and get Momma those cookies, while you’re up there!”
@PetrickSara: Little known fact:
Young children’s bones are not the same as an adult. Children’s elbows are actually made of knives.