“single and ready to mingle”
thank you so much for the warning
No high school reunion for me. I can see most of them on Cops.
gonna buy myself something nice
like a straight jacket
I would bang you so hard
over the head
with a frying pan
I’m not fascinated by you unless you’re a potato
Dm: Hi
Me: but have you even accepted Jesus as your Lord and savior?
spinach is nowhere near as delicious as Popeye led us to believe
I located my husband. He binge watched season 3 of Cobra Kai in one evening then left home to start his own dojo. Please respect my privacy at this time.
Being a mom means always wondering where that pee smell came from
love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime
*herpes
I have zero sexual interest in you
you’re not Peter Dinklage
my internet boyfriend is cheating on me with my other internet boyfriend
I don’t have time to get to know you
Be cool immediately
It’s none of your business where I live unless you wanna send me some money