@PhilJamesson

“My computer just crashed” is going to be a much more serious statement when self-driving cars are the norm

@PhilJamesson

A scrub is a guy who thinks he’s fly.
[I scramble to take off my full-body fly costume]

@PhilJamesson

WHEN CATS ARE SAD

Bartender: What’ll ya have?
Cat: Shot of rum.
[Bartender pours it]
[Cat slowly pushes it off the bar]
Cat: Another.

@PhilJamesson

[Storm into Octopus Boss’ office]
I want a raise or I quit!
[Octopus Boss is almost done camouflaging against the fern]
NOT THIS TIME

@PhilJamesson

“Girl, are you a tree? cause-”
“no i’m not a tree”
“..cause i want-”
“why are you still talking i’m not a tree”
“.. i want t-”
“not a tree”