@PimpleEye

I always carry cake, just in case someone pulls a knife on me.

@PimpleEye

It’s not that I don’t like drinking, it’s just I find that my aim when throwing bottles in your face is allot more accurate when I’m sober.

@PimpleEye

You know what I love about people who buy followers?

I can laugh at their expense.

@PimpleEye

You’re so vein, you probably think this bloody cut is about you.

@PimpleEye

Thanks for the Facebook invite to your wedding cheapass. Please enjoy this FarmVille mystery gift on the occasion of your marriage.