I always carry cake, just in case someone pulls a knife on me.
The road to hell is paved.
It’s not that I don’t like drinking, it’s just I find that my aim when throwing bottles in your face is allot more accurate when I’m sober.
You know what I love about people who buy followers?
I can laugh at their expense.
My ex’s ex and my left hand are dating.
You’re so vein, you probably think this bloody cut is about you.
Thanks for the Facebook invite to your wedding cheapass. Please enjoy this FarmVille mystery gift on the occasion of your marriage.