If you’re wondering what that sound was, I just found a grey hair.
My super power is being that person in all your crowd selfies staring directly into your camera.
I wonder if the person who walked behind me for four blocks knows:
a) that we were racing,
And more importantly,
b) that I won.
My son didn’t think it was funny when I told him go “go forth and multiply” before his math exam.
Blood was spilled, curses were uttered, tears were shed, muscles were sprained and dowlings were thrown away, but an IKEA shelf was born.
You haven’t seen rage until you’ve seen a group of women waiting for a yoga instructor who no-shows.
Me: *opening can of worms
Husband: Where the hell did that come from?
Me: I can’t resist a sale.
My husband is grocery shopping so I’m using my phone tracker app to make sure I stay out of the house long enough for him to get home and put the groceries away.
The journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step. They never tell you it’s downhill and you’ll be wearing slippers when it happens.
March 2020: I’m going to take this time and learn to paint.
November 2020: Wow. I didn’t think you could get to the end of Netflix.
This is the way the world ends.
Not with a bang but with a Zoom meeting that never ends due to technical issues.
My husband’s sole purpose in life is to have me explain the entire plot of a TV series while I’m trying to watch the last 20 minutes.
“Thanks for coming. We’ll let you know.”
*stands up, trips, headbutts interviewer*
The hardest part of working out at home is seeing how much dust there is under my furniture.
5 just asked if I was older than Grandma so Christmas at our house is canceled.