“I’m so sorry”, I go around whispering to people who’ve just woken up from a coma.
If you want to become a beatboxing champion, try zipping up a tight dress.
I feel guilty about being Asian because I didn’t start playing the violin since I was born.
[Asking someone out]
Um…so do you want to come to my exorcism next week?
Person: It’s not rocket science.
Rocket science [wipes forehead and exhales] : Whew! Nearly got caught there.
I have a splitting headache today.
Voldemort must be back from the dead and attempting to kill me.
A cheetah stalking its prey would be jealous of the way I pounce on the Skip Ad button on YT once the 5 seconds are up.