@PrestoVision

first wiseman: i brought you gold

second wiseman: i brought you frankincense

third wiseman: i brought you myrrh

fourth wiseman: i made you these jorts myself

mary: [to the guy writing the bible] don’t write that last one down

@PrestoVision

her: i’m leaving you

me: is it because of my obsession with emo rock bands

her: no it’s because of the weird chemistry fanfics that you keep writing

me: i knew it! you hate my chemical romance

@PrestoVision

ghost: boooooOoo

me: you better stop

ghost: what are you doing

me: [setting up ouji board] i’m calling your mother

ghost: oooOooooh noooOoooOooo

@PrestoVision

her: wow you wear those jeans everyday you must have like 5 pairs

me: [owns 1 pair of jeans] haha, 6 actually

@PrestoVision

hitman: clearly you can’t afford my rates so i’m referring you over to my partner

hit or missman: i guarantee that i will either kill the target or get you sent directly to jail