HB: *text* hey, what’s for dinner?
Me: Roast Chicken.
HB: cool, you need me to pick up anything on my way home?
Me: yes, a roast chicken.
You know how sharks die if they ever stop swimming?
It’s the same with my mother in law and talking.
Thin eyeliner today.
*left one goes fatter
*right one goes fatter
*left one goes fatter
*right one goes fatter
*covers entire face.
Surely these children should be in bed by now?
– me, anytime after 4pm
I just found out Nicki Minaj isn’t animated!
No, of course I’m not mad.
It’s fine.
*goes home, starts building a Death Star.
I just feel like you shouldn’t be using a selfie stick unless you’re a T-Rex.
Things that are dangerous-
-riding a motorcycle
-sharks
-riding sharks