@RCKruseKontrol

ME: i dropped acid almost every day for one year

my son Acid: is that why i can’t do math Dad

@RCKruseKontrol

GOD: YOU ARE BANISHED FOR EATING THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT

Adam: sorry, Eve told me to!

Eve: i didn’t say “apple” i asked you to eat my a–

GOD: THAT ALSO IS FORBIDDEN

@RCKruseKontrol

Where my American History knowledge comes from:
25% school
25% internet
50% Forrest Gump

@RCKruseKontrol

I once confused a tube of superglue with a tube of lube.
It was horrible.
My model plane kept slipping apart

@RCKruseKontrol

ME: *coughing* I’m sorry my voice is a little hoarse.

CHESS PLAYER: did.. did you just swallow my knight?

@RCKruseKontrol

ME: babe i don’t think the acid we dropped is working

GIANT BLUE OX: are you sure

@RCKruseKontrol

ME: babe I wanna show you something *lifts shirt up*

HER: you didn’t swallow lightning bugs again did you

ME: it’s supposed to say “will you marry me” *flicks tummy* c’mon guys we practiced this

@RCKruseKontrol

[Jesus Feeding of the 4,999)

ME: *gets back in line wearing fake mustache*

@RCKruseKontrol

I’m not trying to sound like a conspiracy theorist but isn’t a little suspicious these hurricanes keep happening in alphabetical order??